晴晴 2008-9-27 23:00
治療笑話 Treatment Jokes2
[table=100%,#FFFFE6][tr][td][size=9pt][發帖際遇]: [url=http://ds-hk.net/event.php]晴晴贏了街頭賽車比賽冠軍，獲獎金現金150Ds幣.
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戒菸
某公患有心臟病，醫生勸他戒煙，并且說，如果不能一下子戒掉
，可以先改成每天飯後抽一支 。一月後，他又去看醫生，醫生檢查
後發現他又有了胃病，大惑不解，問：“這是怎麼回事？”
“可能是因為我為了遵守您飯後一支煙的建議，每天吃飯次數
過多而且不規律吧...”
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捐器官
老師：「 現在上『急救』課。有人受傷，第一步要怎麼做？」
學生：「我知道，問他要不要器官捐贈？」
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扭傷了
一個金髮女對醫生說: "請幫助我, 我的全身都在痛."
金髮女用食指點著右膝說: "哦! 好痛."
金髮女又用食指點著左臉蛋說: "哦! 好痛."
金髮女又用食指點著右耳說: "哦! 好痛."
醫生說: "妳是不是天生的金髮女?"
金髮女回答: "是的."
醫生: "是妳的食指扭傷了."
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醫院怎麼走
甲：請問一下醫院怎麼走？
乙：很簡單，你現在閉著眼睛，走到馬路正中央，然後停一下，大約十分鐘之後就到了。
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遲到
喬治有遲到的習慣, 老闆甚為不悅. 於是他去醫生處取回一些藥片吃了, 爬上床便睡, 沒到鬧鐘響就醒了, 他高高興興地起床, 洗過臉, 吃過早餐, 從從容容去上班, 見了老闆就說: "早啊! 今天我沒有遲到!"
"很好," 老闆說, "但是你昨天為甚麼沒來 ?"
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安眠
一個容顏憔悴的病人對醫生說:"我家窗外的野狗整夜吠個不停...
我快瘋了!"醫生說:"你拿這些新安眠藥回去試試看!"
一星期後...病人又來了..樣子比上次更憔悴疲憊...
醫生問"那些藥丸無效嗎?"
病人嗚咽著說"不是的...我每晚都起來去追那些野狗....可是...
即使捉到一隻....牠也不肯吞下安眠藥!!"
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Medical Terminology for Layman
ANTIBODY against everyone
ARTERY the study of fine paintings
BACTERIA back door to a cafeteria
BANDAGES The Rolling Stones
BARIUM what you do when CPR fails
BENIGN what you be after you be eight
BOTULISM tendency to make mistakes
BOWEL letters like A, E, I, O, or U
CAESAREAN SECTION a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE made eye contact with her
COLIC a sheep dog
COMA a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL friendly
CORTIZONE the local courthouse
D & C where Washington is
DILATE to live longer
ENEMA not a friend
ENTERITIS a penchant for burglary
ER the things on your head that you hear with
FESTER quicker
FIBRILLATE to tell lies
G.I. SERIES baseball games between teams of soldiers
GENES blue denim slacks
GENITAL non-Jewish
GRIPPE what you do to a suitcase
HANGNAIL a coathook
HEMORRHOID a male from outer space
HERPES what women do in the Ladies Room
HORMONES what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid
ICU peek-a-boo
IMPOTENT distinguished, well known
INPATIENT tired of waiting
LABOR PAIN hurt at work
MEDICAL STAFF a doctor's cane
MINOR OPERATION somebody else's
MORBID a higher offer
NITRATE lower than day rate
NODE was aware of
ORGAN TRANSPLANT what you do to your piano when you move
ORGANIC church musician
OUTPATIENT a person who has fainted
PARALYZE two far-fetched stories
PATHOLOGICAL a reasonable way to go
PHARMACIST person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
PLASTER CAST the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert
POST-OPERATIVE a letter carrier
PROTEIN in favor of young people
RECOVERY ROOM place to upholster furniture
RECTUM what happened to the Corvette
RED BLOOD COUNT Dracula
RHEUMATIC amorous
SALINE where you go on your boyfriend's boat
SECRETION hiding anything
SEROLOGY study of English knighthood
SURGERY a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply
STERILE SOLUTION not using the elevator during a fire
TABLET a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS getting sick at the airport
TIBIA country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR an extra pair
URINE opposite of "you're out"
VARICOSE very close
VEIN conceited
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Pain Transfer
A married couple go to hospital together to have their baby delivered.
When they arrive, the doctor says they have just taken delivery of a new machine which transfers a portion of the mother's pain to the father.
"Would you be willing to try it out?" asks the doctor.
"Yes of course," says the husband, who is very much a Sensitive New Age Guy.
As the woman goes into labour, the doctor sets the machine to 10 per cent and asks the man if it hurts.
"No, it's fine," he says.
The doctor raises the setting to 20 per cent.
"Still okay," says the man.
The doctor gradually lifts the setting to 50 per cent.
The husband closes his eyes and grits his teeth, but insists he can cope without any problem, so the doctor raises it gradually to 75 per cent.
"I can take it," says the husband. "Give me the full 100 per cent."
So the doctor does, and the wife bears the baby with no pain at all.
The doctor goes off to write up the case for The Lancet, while the couple take their baby home.
On the doorstep they find the wife's tennis coach dead.
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