晴晴 2008-9-27 23:01
健康笑話 Health Jokes
猴子吃核桃
動物園裡，一群觀光客正丟一堆核桃給猴子吃， 每一隻猴子都搶了核桃往嘴裡塞，只有一隻猴子，每拿一顆核桃，都先放到屁股裡，再拿出來吃，觀光客都笑這隻猴子很笨。
管理員聽到了就說：其實，他是最聰明的一隻猴子，自從他上次便秘之後，他一定要先確定東西能出得來才吃。
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手
有一潔癖的男子進入一家餐廳，點了菜。 經過一會兒，他忽然看見一個侍者端著他點的菜走了過來，竟然把姆指插在菜裡。
他頓時覺得很噁心，他勉強忍住不發作。後來，同樣的這個侍者端菜來時竟然都將手插在菜裡。終於，他用完餐了。他決定向經理檢舉這個侍者。當然，經理也覺得這樣子很不衛生而火冒三丈，就把這個侍者叫過來問。
然而這個侍者卻解釋道:「對不起，我因為姆指受傷，醫生說要隨時保溫，所以我才這樣子作。」但是這個潔癖的男人還是很不高興，就對他說:「要保溫你不會把手插到屁眼裡啊!」
侍者答說:「沒錯，我沒端菜時就是把手插在屁股裡。」
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巧克力奶
在飛機上，有一位白人媽媽在餵小嬰兒人乳，小嬰兒正吸著一臉幸福美滿的時候，鄰座也有一位黑人媽媽在餵嬰兒人乳，白嬰兒見狀，放聲大哭....
白媽媽問：「怎麼啦？」
嬰兒邊哭邊指著鄰座說：「哇.... 媽媽，我也要喝巧克力的...」
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餵奶
某少婦一向我行我素，即使在公眾場合給孩子餵哺人乳，也絕不扭捏。一次，他和丈夫帶同孩子上館子吃飯，孩子肚餓哭鬧起來，少婦掀起衣角便給孩子餵奶。
餐廳侍應走道她身旁，婉言請她不要當眾餵奶。少婦大為光火，說道：
「難道你認為餵哺人乳淫穢不雅嗎？」
「不是，」侍應禮貌地指著牆上告示說，
「不過這兒禁止進食非本餐廳供應的食品。」
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Way to Eternity
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?"
"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?"
"Oh.. Half a pack a day."
"Starting NOW, no more smoking."
The man agrees.
The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"
"Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."
"Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions."
The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.
The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"
"Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."
"Starting now you are going on a very strict diet: you are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no
dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."
The man is now really worried.
"Doc, is all this really necessary?"
"Do you want to live long?"
"Yes."
"Absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet.
"The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues,
"Do you have sex?"
"Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly.
"As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you.
None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"
"I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!"
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Live Longer
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.