Some Doctors' Jokes
Mrs Smith: `Help me, doctor! Little Tommy's swallowed the can-opener!' Doctor: `Don't panic - he'll be alright'. Mrs Smith: `But how do I open the friggin beans, the toast's getting cold!
Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) `Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: `Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.
Doctor: `Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?' Tom: `Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!'
`Congratulations, Mr Brown - you're in great shape for a man of sixty. Pity you're only forty.'.
`Operator, operator - call me an ambulance!!!'. `Okay, Sir - you're an ambulance!'.
Mavis: `My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.' Doctor: `Oh, really?' Mavis: `Yes - she tries to prevent me from making her take it!'
John: `How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?' Doctor: `Cut your head off'.
Prisoner: `Look here, doc! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!' Doctor: `I am - bit by bit'.
Hypnotist: `Okay, Mr Henry, when I say "wake up" you will no longer be shy but full of confidence and be able to speak your mind ... Wake up!' Patient: `Right, you! How about giving me a refund, you money-grabbing old skinflint!'
Tom: `What's good for excessive wind, doctor?' Doctor: `A kite!'
`Do you find it difficult passing water, Mr Sozzle?' `No, doctor. But I do find it hard to pass a pub!'
Bill: `My wife beats me, doctor'. Doctor: `Oh dear. How often?" Bill: `Everytime we play Scrabble!'.
Liz: `I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!' Doctor: `Never mind, you'll pass eventually'. Liz: `But I'm the examiner!'
Trish: `My tummy is getting awfully big, doctor'. Doctor: `You should diet'. Trish: `Really? What colour?'
